and in the end
as the body writhes
"water"
eyes bulge
to scream out
what your voice cannot
"water"
you f*ck*rs
the new age music
relentless
like endless lines
on a body lived in
near died in
gasp in
space
space
gasp out
like seizures
no beauty
skin
bones
surrounded by guilt
and guilty parties
the usual suspects
united only in our guilt
waiting
well
we're waiting
and i can't get it out of my head
the queer surrealism of the scene
like in French literature
nothing is real
new age
over and over
no age
an endless litany
a false background
plastic bedsheets
mourners yet praying for the end
no suffering
ease the pain
ours?
f*ck*ng ours?
breathe
gasp
seize
the spaces in between
growing longer and longer
gasping for something
but nothing is there
don't give him water
f*ck*rs
no arms to hold you
deride
no air
no smiles
a world screaming in pain
another joyless life
memories shatter
scatter
forget
let go
stop
and i can't get it out of my head
still thinking of me
even as you die
oh,
hello there
death
i feel you...
around me
for now and for always....
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
the girl who buys lies
- she smiles
the girl who buys lies
the lies she tells herself
to stop hating the flaws
like walls
closing in
every time she stops and thinks
about thinking
and what she really is
and is becoming
thank you dad
mom
and the lies others tell
to get inside her pants
or else to mock her
even though she knows the difference
she just doesn't care
her hair it weeps
and oh her body sings
a sad song
even as she weeps
tears falling like brown hair
over shoulders
evaporate
then nothing
remembered
the next day comes
are you still here --
the one who told me lies
i could only believe
because i wanted to believe?
i could believe in anything
sell me lies
i am buying lies
hook line and sinker
and i know
and i understand
i am not stupid enough to buy your lies
but i need to buy lies
so just f**k me now
so i can hate myself even more
at least until tomorrow
when the sight of you sickens
but the thought of me sickens
even more
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