somehow solemn

pushed open the hospital door
with a hip
blew out smoke
from the first drag
of his last cigarette
and the rain drenched
fleeting resolve
ambition
and his three day-old clothes
"you can't kill
what is already dead"
she said
and ever since
he has tried to find a meaning
beyond the meaning
a meaning he can live with
tell people he knows
people who might give a shit
save face
for anyone who could give a shit
even if they don't
how long to live
how long
are we alive to possibilities
when the past has shown
the possibilities
are not endless
and are too rarely realized
put your tongue back in your mouth
close your legs
and wipe away that simple smile
love is cold
and we are old
older than we used to be
show me a face
and i'll find the blemishes
show me your heart
i'll see emotional problems
hints of things to come
things that close doors
things that end
best intentions
good starts
new days
for screaming
going out of our heads
but somehow solemn
show me everything
i'll show you mine
all the things that would end
all that we would start
better yet
better not
we'd just be wasting
precious time
to spend thinking
about sitting here
in the middle of nowhere
beyond hope
beyond the nicotine-stained claws
of time