beneath the ant colony

on the nightstand
i left
crumbled notes
of ideas
thought before
some day
i'll get around
to rising up
be the man
i always thought i could be
in a vacuum
a place
where time hangs
like icicles
from gutters
it is dark
the trees are bare
and feel their age
every time the wind blows
and i think next time they'll break
not bend
and no one is anywhere near
me in my moment
frozen in time
to stare deeply
down the crack
between the pavement
where my ambitions must lie
because you know
i know
even if i had the time
the frozen moment
in silence
i would still grow sleepy
overwhelmed
and give in to another restless sleep
dreaming of what i would do
if i only had the time
the frozen moment
in silence
to rise up
to what i am
even here
far underground
beneath the ant colony
occupied by ghosts
of ants
frozen in my memories
of the blind imposition of will
to feel anything
yes, that's it
freeze time
to feel anything
all over again
to feel that
to mean it like that....