the f*ck up

are you free
if you don't know it?
are you free
if you don't know how to show it?
she came to him
like a rapture
on the descending side
of his middle age
light years away
from the start
of the descent
propped him up
to see
for the first time in decades
the beauty of hope
and of possibilities.
he followed her
as if she was a guide
for the blind
believed her words
of compassion for others
and endeavoring to heal
universal suffering
like he was twenty-something.
he was a sucker
and he knew it
but he didn't care
willfully blind
in hoping to gain salvation
if not love
heal others
to heal himself
oh
but the day she left
like a cool breeze
vanished
he lost his tenuous faith
in everything
in himself
he was clutching at substance
desperate
but when he leaned down
he rested on shadows
and she flew away
like a bird
with a higher calling
he is
as he always was
free
but then why
does he f*ck up everything?