find your smile

did she see the way
her smile died?
did she?
did she care once
about the way people saw her
before the joy
that was her greatest disguise
gave way to memory
gave way to forgetting
and all the wine?
and all the wine
could never bring you back
to the place
you became lost
in the first place.
you stopped wondering
why
the further you distanced yourself
from yourself;
why
you never knew yourself
well enough
to live a life that was yours.
oh the joy
oh the memories
you never had...
whom to blame;
take the fall
for a life unlived?